Grief Support

Lets talk about Grief Support

Dealing with grief is quite challenging, and it is a moment in life when you really do need a lot of support and help. Although the main responsibility of our funeral directors is to tend to your loved one and create a beautiful service, they are also dedicated to providing support, compassion, and comfort to help you during the grief process. Once the funeral is over, we do not disappear - We are here to listen and be a friend. 


Outside of our funeral home, there are also several local grief resources that you should seek.

After the unexpected death of his wife, Irish author C.S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. The death of a beloved is an amputation."


While 
dealing with grief  is not easy, we believe the resources within this section of our website can help. Should you need additional support in grieving your loss, please call us. We will do everything we can to assist you.

Grieving with Purpose

No one is prepared for grief. The rush of feelings, the thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, when we choose to harness that power for self-growth, amazing things can happen. Good can come from pain.


Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues. Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:

 

  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

 

Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not a straight one.


Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes both courage and hard work to successfully adapt to the loss of a significant person in your life.

How to Deal with Grief

If you Google the word "grief," the search engine will deliver well over 100 million results! That's an unbelievable amount of information about dealing with grief at a time when you may already feel overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks. We are here to help .

You Aren't Alone in Dealing with Grief

While the experience of grief can be very isolating, we would like to help you take steps to counter the feelings of loneliness and disconnection. While the articles in our grief library can make a difference in your day-to-day life, please don't hesitate to call us should you need additional support. We will do our best to ease your bereavement and, if requested, provide a referral to a local grief counsellor or therapist.

Grief counseling offers many benefits that are often overlooked: 



  • Many people feel like they cannot grieve freely around family and friends. Generally, these individuals are grieving too and so they are not able to provide the support you need. 
  • A grief therapist has specific expertise in the grieving process, and in turn can fully explain it to you, help manage your emotions, and help you along the healing process. 
  • Grief counselors will provide you with advanced strategies and tools to help you cope 
  • Grief counseling will help you accept the loss and this new state of your life. 
  • People who are heavily grief-stricken have trouble doing simple daily tasks. Grief therapists work on coping mechanisms that will allow your life to still be moving forward. 
  • Grief therapists provide a safe environment and space for you to work through the grieving process. 
  • Grief counselors will help you find warmth and comfort in recalling positive memories. 


Grief Support Groups

Grief support groups is another outlet people should consider when dealing with grief. In some cases, people use both one-on-one sessions and this group dynamic.


Below are some of the benefits that you will find when joining a grief support group: 

  • You will be instilled with hope that you can heal and feel better. 
  • People who have suffered a loss can provide advice that you may not get elsewhere. These individuals are going through the grief that you are experiencing, or they have gone through the process in the past. From experience, they can offer what has helped them feel better. Furthermore, people apart of support groups can grow close and create strong bonds. 
  • On Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, one of the main tiers is a sense of “belonging”. Simply joining a grief support group will give you a sense of acceptance and belonging. Grief is not a club anyone wants be apart of but once you are there it is beneficial to surround yourself with others sharing that experience. 
  • Further to the point above, while experiencing grief, especially for new widows and widowers, you will often feel very alone. Joining a support group will at the very least make you feel less isolated. 
  • Not only can you help yourself through your loss, but helping others with their pain should make you feel good and inject some positive emotions. 

Six Signposts Along Your Journey

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate post traumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "post traumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."


Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:

 

  1. You are not on your own
  2. Trauma is a normal and natural process
  3. Growth is a journey

 

He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic... stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."


"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your post-traumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Signpost #1: Taking Stock

Are you physically well? Are you getting enough sleep and eating the right foods for optimum health? Have you received the kind of medical, legal, or psychological help you need? What is your current condition: physically, spiritually, and emotionally?

Signpost #2: Harvesting Hope

People traumatized by loss often feel hopeless. It's hard to get up in the morning and thinking about the future sparks pessimism and negativity. Find inspiration in the stories of personal growth written by others; set goals and practice hope as you set out to achieve them.

Signpost #3: Re-Authoring

Learn to tell your story differently. Take the victim mentality out of the story of loss you tell yourself and others and replace it with the word survivor to return to a sense of control over your life.

Signpost #4: Identifying Change

Keeping a daily diary can help you to see the small changes within more easily. You can also track those moments when you feel at your best and identify the conditions that brought them about. Identify and nurture the positive changes in your life throughout your bereavement journey.

Signpost #5: Valuing Change

Review these changes, identifying the ones that you'd like to continue to nurture. Personal transformation requires it. Growth is encouraged when we take time to think about what we have gained from loved ones and when we find a way to use what we have learned to give to others.

Signpost #6: Expressing Change in Action

Express your growth in new behaviors or, more simply, put your growth into action. When you think in terms of concrete actions, it helps make the growth experienced within your bereavement real to you.


Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out of Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word—try "adjustment", or "integration". Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships."

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Count On Us for Additional Guidance

If you are in need of further guidance regarding how to deal with death, please do not hesitate to reach out to us. We would be more than happy to help you.

Contact Us
Sources:
  1. Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
  2. Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.
  3. Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
  4. Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
  5. American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012
Share by: